crying is practically dying

a tear will start with a though. a thought will lead to a decision. a decision will lead to a mistake. a mistake will be too late.

So low

 You stand with your head held high, and yet you feel so low. You stand so tall, only to feel so small. You hope for the best, and hope for happiness, but you know better. 
Is it that much to ask, to just be happy? 
To not want to wake up every day just wishing that you didn't. To not cry yourself to sleep every single night and beg to not see another day. 
Is there anything you can do to help? 
Is there anything you can do to actually enjoy being alive and happy? 
I know I promised, but i just don't know if 
I can keep that promise. Frankly it's just way too hard to even consider.

Crying diamonds

She walks alone in this world, in hopes that someone will rescue her from her tower. Wishing someone will see what she has to offer. Praying for someone to end her suffering, in any way possible. No one sees by her messy hair or even shy personality, that she is a diamond in the rough. Her heart is as pure as gold, and her soul is as hard as diamonds. Nothing can hurt it, aside from diamonds. There are diamonds, and there are fakes. Some can be fooled, and she was. all she saw was how they shined, and she didnt think that she did, but she shined brighter then any of them. One night, those fake jewels made her cry diamonds. The funny thing about diamonds, the only thing that can hurt them is diamonds. there was one less heart of gold that night, and that is something that those fake jewels cannot forget.

the final stand, the last straw...

So on this day, a day where things may seem normal. Cute guys avoiding me, friends pretending to be too busy to talk to me but being on facebook saying how bored they are and everything. but today, the biggest piece of my childhood died today. Robin William committed suicide, and that is tragic. he was an inspiration to all who had depression, especially those, like me, who grew up watching him. I grew up watching him and loving him, ive known all my life that he was struggling every single day with depression. later in my life when i started developing problems, i would watch his movies, i must have watched flubber a bajillion times after my grandfather, the best person in my life, died. the point is, he was always my inspiration when i was thinking of ending it... he only wanted to make people smile and make them happy. and... he just ended his life. i would never be one of those crazy stalker fans who would kill themselves because their idol killed himself... but he was always my inspiration... after the rape and the abuse and the sickness and all of this death around me... he was my inspiration to keep pushing and live my dream. what should i do now?

i love you all, remember that
gotta go, lil' wow out

Why?

What happened to us? We used to talk all the time, call every night, text all day everyday... then the truth comes out. What happened to us, i ask once again? What happened to all of the laughs, the smiles, the emotional hugs after not seeing eachother in forever? Did they mean absolutely nothing to you? Did they mean the world to you? Why couldnt you just tell me when we were both together. Not together as in dating... together as in right next to eachother... face to face. You said you were afraid i would have just walked away without saying a word to you. Did you maybe think i wouldve just held you and kissed you? when i found out i cried... did you know that? You have to wait until i was happily falling for someone else before telling me that for 4 years you have been in love with me. now if i even bring it up anymore you just stop talking to me or stop talking about it. I dont understand, if you really love me then why avoid me and a subject like this/ maybe i was right when i decided to try my hardest to break away from you, all you would do is hurt me in the end. but one thing will always be true about all of this and about my life, it doesnt matter who is the final holder of my heart, they will have to know that you will always hold a peice of it. i say this with meaning, but not of what you may think, I love you Amrik.




gotta go to bed, lil' Wow out :/

Scared into a sea of people

Hey, little ol' me again, still as scared as ever. Why am i scared this time, you may as? well, six states away, a year later, and nothing has changed. The bullying started here again, well not again but it started here. My mom has breast cancer, we found out on the third of october. my step dad is the only one working now so he has all the weight and pressure on him, leaving alot of the home pressures on me. i dont know, i always say sometimes i feel left out, but when i actually want to be left out, it feels like all of it always ends up on me. i love my mother, i really do, but i cant take seeing her like this anymore. its only been a month, i dont want to see it after a year. as its killing her, its killing everythong and everyone around her. her once cheery desposition now fades into gray, as if it never even happened. dont really wanna get much more into my personal lfe, but im just gonna say this. when you feel like the world is ending, and all is lost. maybe things would be better if we get lost into the sea of people once in a while. like Ky from Matched, youre there one second, gone the next. sometimes its just better. 

gotta get the computer back to the school. love and miss ya guys and ill promise ill try to write more

bye lil wow out :)

the silence is slowly nearing and never dying

its amazing to really pay attention to how aweful your life is. one minute youre where you always though you ought to be. lots of friends, a some what loving home, parents who love you no matter what, but then that all changes when you realize, those little things that are supossed to make you happy, they just dont anymore. you find crying yourself to sleep is the only time you can slowly break down. i wish i didnt feel so alone, no matter what happens and no matter who im with. i could be in a sea of people and still be completely alone. i wrote a poem to show how i feel, if anyone ever is kind enough to read it. i want everyone to know i am truly deep, not just some chick who rhymes. i want to be seen as much more....

"Weightless"

by:never telling my real name

I wish I could be under water,
so I could feel weightless.
I wish I could be in complete darkness,
so nobody could see my hideous face.

I wish I had a magic eraser,
so I wouldn't have to see my past.
I wish iIhad a knife through my heart,
so I wouldn't have to see my future.


i hoped you liked it
gotta goo :(((((((( lil'wow out ;))))))