Scared into a sea of people

Hey, little ol' me again, still as scared as ever. Why am i scared this time, you may as? well, six states away, a year later, and nothing has changed. The bullying started here again, well not again but it started here. My mom has breast cancer, we found out on the third of october. my step dad is the only one working now so he has all the weight and pressure on him, leaving alot of the home pressures on me. i dont know, i always say sometimes i feel left out, but when i actually want to be left out, it feels like all of it always ends up on me. i love my mother, i really do, but i cant take seeing her like this anymore. its only been a month, i dont want to see it after a year. as its killing her, its killing everythong and everyone around her. her once cheery desposition now fades into gray, as if it never even happened. dont really wanna get much more into my personal lfe, but im just gonna say this. when you feel like the world is ending, and all is lost. maybe things would be better if we get lost into the sea of people once in a while. like Ky from Matched, youre there one second, gone the next. sometimes its just better. 

gotta get the computer back to the school. love and miss ya guys and ill promise ill try to write more

bye lil wow out :)

the silence is slowly nearing and never dying

its amazing to really pay attention to how aweful your life is. one minute youre where you always though you ought to be. lots of friends, a some what loving home, parents who love you no matter what, but then that all changes when you realize, those little things that are supossed to make you happy, they just dont anymore. you find crying yourself to sleep is the only time you can slowly break down. i wish i didnt feel so alone, no matter what happens and no matter who im with. i could be in a sea of people and still be completely alone. i wrote a poem to show how i feel, if anyone ever is kind enough to read it. i want everyone to know i am truly deep, not just some chick who rhymes. i want to be seen as much more....

"Weightless"

by:never telling my real name

I wish I could be under water,
so I could feel weightless.
I wish I could be in complete darkness,
so nobody could see my hideous face.

I wish I had a magic eraser,
so I wouldn't have to see my past.
I wish iIhad a knife through my heart,
so I wouldn't have to see my future.


i hoped you liked it
gotta goo :(((((((( lil'wow out ;))))))

Not so Bad

Last year, im not ashamed anymore, i was bigger. this year, im alot smaller then youd ever think i was in such little time. i got bullied into a near state of depression when i was bigger, and now that im small, the ones who once made me start cutting and starving myself want to be my friends. i hated them so much for everything they ever put me through. i mean, wouldnt you? as i lay awake at 1:14 in the morning, i think to myself " maybe being different inst so bad." being different is what makes you human right? my difference is i have an extremely low self esteem where even the slightest comment makes me burrow into a deeper hole. Whats yours?




Gotta go :(((((((( lil'wow out :)))))))

Lost and Forgotten

You would never really appreciate something until its truly gone forever. Say you have a fight with your parents, you say some things and they say some things. End of story, but its not. what would happen if you had a fight with your dad one night about something as stupid as taking the car for a little joy ride, so he takes the car to clear his thoughts. With one of the many idiots in this world, he could get hit and you could never talk to him again. You can never apologize for the things you said and neither can he. Everything else fades to black, its all lost and forgotten to most, but never to you. you would remember every word said that night, everything you wish you could take back, every little mistake that you have ever made. You need to learn to appreciate something, or someone for who they really are and what they do for you. You never know, one day, you could lose them forever......



gotta go... :'((((( lil'Wow Out :)))))